Hedda Rarity
by Mogseltof
Summary: Hedda Gabler, as produced by ponies. What could possibly go wrong?


**Hedda Rarity**

_Hedda Gabler_ – Rarity

_Jorgen Tesman_ – Spike

_Julle Tesman_ – Applejack

_Ejlert Lovborg_ – Fluttershy

_Mrs Elvsted_ – Princess Luna

_Berte_ – Twilight Sparkle

_Judge Brack _– Pinkie Pie

(_Also referencing:_ Rainbow Dash as _Mademoiselle Diana_, Big Mac as _Mr Elvsted_, Apple Bloom as _Aunt Rina_ & Princess Celestia as herself.)

[_The scene is Rarity's Carousel Boutique. The ponyquins draped in stylish designer clothes are dusty, the special hoof decorations lying pristine in their glass cabinets. There is a faint purple glow around several objects as _Twilight Sparkle_ moves a duster and rag around the room, also reading a heavy book at the same time. There is a knock at the door and the same faint purple glow appears around the door handle, opening it to reveal _Applejack.]

_Twilight Sparkle: _Oh! Applejack! How are you? Spike and Rarity are still asleep – they only got back from Canterlot very late last night. Plus Spike still has trouble with his sleeping patterns. How's Apple Bloom going?

_Applejack: _Oh hey Twi, wasn' 'specting ta see you round here so early! I'm doing fine – Apple Bloom not so much.

_Twilight: _[_Sympathetically_] Still ill? The Doctor still hasn't figured out what's causing it yet?

_Applejack:_ Naw. Still nothing.

[_A door bangs from upstairs and _Spike_ comes down, yawning_]

_Spike_: 'Morning Twi. Oh hey! Applejack! How's Apple Bloom? I heard she was ill. Nice hat, too.

_AJ:_ The Doc's still fig'rin out stuff. Thanks, the hat's new – Rarity's been bugging me to get a new one for forever.

_Spike:_ Aw man, send my wishes to her will ya? Rarity's still asleep – she was tossing and turning all night.

[Rarity_ appears just behind Spike, looking very annoyed._]

_Rarity:_ Actually I'm _wide_ awake, dear.

_Twilight: _Oh good morning Rarity! I'll just go fetch that breakfast I prepped earlier.

[Twilight Sparkle _exits stage left through a door that presumably leads to the kitchen._]

_Rarity:_ Oh Applejack, when _are_ you going to replace that _ratty_ old hat?

_AJ:_ [_Clearly upset and disappointed, though _Rarity_ doesn't appear to notice_.] Oh I'll get around to it someday. I jus' wanted to come by and give my congratulations to the two o' ye lovebirds… [_grins maniacally_] so… I'll… er… be goin' now.

[Applejack_ practically canters off stage and out the door she came in through. _Twilight Sparkle _re-enters just as she leaves, carrying a tray with a bowl of daisies and some rough gemstones on it using her magic._]

_Twilight: _Oh, that was a fast visit. Here you go! [_Smiles at them before backing away and out the door._] Have a nice morning! I just wanted to make sure you got in ok!

[_Exit _Twilight Sparkle. Spike _attacks the bowl of gemstones with relish, but _Rarity _only picks at her bowl of daisies._]

_Spike:_ [_Gulping_] Mmf, are you ok Rarity? You've been a bit off – I mean, I noticed while we were still in Canterlot-

_Rarity: _[_Ignoring him and using her magic to sort through some daisies that are slightly wilted before pushing her bowl away_] Why on earth does Twilight hover over you like this? Why do you let her?

_Spike: _Er… well, she kind of hatched my egg, and she means well, and she's our friend…?

_Rarity:_ Yes, but doesn't she understand that you have your own life?

[_There is a knock at the door. _Spike _quickly gets up and runs over to it, thankful for the interruption. _Rarity _looks annoyed and quickly dumps her daisies out the open window. _Spike _returns, accompanied by _Princess Luna_._]

_Spike: _Rarity, we have a visitor!

_Rarity:_ Oh my! Princess Luna! It is simply _fabulous_ to see you! How are you? I heard that you and Big Mac had set up down in Fillydelphia…?

_Princess Luna:_ Um, hello. Yes, we did, but Celestia… incinerated him 'by accident'. Fluttershy [Rarity _sits to attention at this_] came down with me to break the news to Applejack.

_Spike:_ [_Shocked_] And with Apple Bloom sick too!

_Rarity:_ [_Muttering under her breath_] And I bet my boutique that its just colic; she and Sweetie Belle were out last night after all… [_Audibly_] Such a _shame_! And you say Fluttershy came down with you?

_Princess Luna:_ Oh, um, yes. She stopped in town to talk to Rainbow Dash, but I thought she might come to see you a little later.

_Rarity:_ [_eyes narrowing_] Oh '_Dashie_'s back in town I see. I thought that she and Fluttershy parted on… bad terms.

_Spike:_ [_Unnoticed_] Urh… I think I better go… sort the books… [_Exits through door he came in through_]

_Luna:_ [_taken aback_] Oh, um, yes? I'm really not sure.

_Rarity:_ [_Fiercely_] They're surely not making _peace_ are they? Rainbow Dash was quite... vehement.

_Luna:_ Um. I'm really no sure. [_Starts to back away a little_] You'll have to ask her, she mentioned something about stopping up later, I think shewanted to see you and Spike to catch up... um, bye! [Luna_ exits hurriedly_]

_Rarity: _Oh, so the whole debacle is just _forgotten_ is it now... nobody remembers poor _Rarity_ now do they... why are you _back_ Fluttershy...

[Pinkie Pie _enters, by appearing from behind _Rarity_ and just stepping out_]

_Pinkie Pie:_ Good _morning_ Rarity! How were your travels? [_Pushes her face right up close to _Rarity's] So have you heard that Fluttersy's back in town? You and her were pretty _close_ huh? [_Leers_]

_Rarity:_ [_startled_] Uh-

_Pinkie:_ HAH! Who am I kidding? Of course you were! Spa meeting every week! Exchanging sewing techniques! Absolute trust – and if I'm wrong I'll make you a million quadrillion billion sandwiches! Two peas in a pod... or closer maybe?

_Rarity:_ I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

_Pinkie:_ Oh _really_? I'll be sure to ask her at my welcome back party tonight! Are you coming?

_Rarity:_ Oh, um, sorry, but I've got a lot of stock take to do, you know... backlog from while I was away, and I have to make sure that Sweetie Belle hasn't gone through my things again, and –

_Pinkie:_ Oh, okay. I'll pass on your regrets to everyone else then! Have fun, and remind Spike that Twilight still needs help from her bestest assistant occasionally!

[Pinkie Pie _bounces out the door enthusiastically_]

_Rarity:_ Uh… [_Shakes herself and begins to straighten up the boutique, rearranging things. There is a timid knock at the door, insofar as a knock can be timid._] Oh! Come in!

[_The door opens, revealing _Fluttershy]

_Fluttershy:_ Um, hi, Rarity. [_Smiles_] I just wanted to drop by and say hi?

_Rarity:_ [_Looks stunned for a moment and drops a vase_] Fluttershy! Hello! Its been so long!

_Fluttershy:_ Um, yes. [_Looks around nervously_] Spike and Pinkie are right –

[Spike _and _Pinkie Pie _enter from right behind, but walk across the room and go upstairs_] behind me. Um, we're all going to go over to Pinkie's later – she says she's having a welcome back party, only we aren't staying –

_Rarity:_ [_drops another vase_] You're not staying?

_Fluttershy:_ No; Luna and I are going back to Fillydelphia – she needs a roommate and she helped me write a letter to Celestia asking her not to incinerate me. Spike said he'd send it off later.

_Rarity:_ I, oh, um, oh.

[_She is saved from further conversation by the reappearance of _Spike _and _Pinkie Pie_ from upstairs, who scoop _Fluttershy_ up and out of the room._]

_Fluttershy:_ Um, I'll just leave it here! [_She throws a letter to _Rarity_ and the door slams on her._]

_Rarity:_ Oh. Well. [_she uses her horn to float the small scroll and it bobs in front of her uncertainly_] Um. [_She unscrolls the letter and reads it, becoming more and more enraged by the second_] Oh, _replace_ me will you? Just _roll right over_ me will you? We'll see about _that_! [_the scroll bursts into flames and a small heap of ashes onto the floor. _Rarity_ looks smug and turns away primly. The door however bursts open, revealing _Fluttershy_, who is talking back over her shoulder._]

_Fluttershy:_ - Just a minute! I haven't said goodbye to Rar… [_she trails off as she spots the small pile of ashes._] I… my… my letter! You burnt my letter? YOU BURNT MY LETTER? Rarity! I trusted you! I need that letter so that I can keep Luna company in Fillydelphia and Celestia won't incinerate me! [_she looks to be on the verge of _tears] How could one of my best friends do that to me? I DON'T THINK I CAN TRUST YOU ANYMORE WHEN YOU DO THINGS LIKE THIS! [_she bursts into tears, but trails off into sniffles, staring, woebegone, at _Rarity.] So, um, yes. Burning my letter to Celestia was not very nice, and I'm afraid I don't think we can sustain this friendship. [_In a small voice_] I'm sorry, Rarity.

[_She exits. _Pinkie Pie _appears out of a small pot plant_]

_Pinkie:_ I told you so! No you owe me a million quadrillion billion sandwiches! [_Giggles and exits through the door, bouncing_]

_Rarity:_ [_Bursts into tears, gallops over to dressmaking cabinet_] It's all _ruined_! [_Her horn glows, drawers open and a pair of scissors floats in front of her chest_] I just want this madness to _end_! [_Sobs. The scissors descend, but the door bursts open, revealing _Twilight Sparkle.]

_Twilight:_ [_Activates her own horn, flinging the scissors across the room_] NO! RARITY! It's not worth it! We all love you! And we've all forgotten the most important thing – our friendship and trust within each other! Jus, wait here – and, er, leave the scissors alone – I'm going to get Rainbow Dash! Its not right that we leave her out of this! [Twilight Sparkle_ teleports away in a flash of purple light. _Rarity_ looks startled and a little puzzled_.]

_Rarity:_ Uh…

[_The other ponies (and dragon) featuring in the production walk on stage, looking similarly confused._]

_Pinkie:_ I thought we weren't telling Rainbow Dash because she said that plays were stupid and we didn't want her to know we cast her as the prostitute?

_Spike:_ Wait, wait, wait – her character was a _prostitute?_ [_He is ignored_]

_Fluttershy:_ Um, have we stopped acting?

_Luna:_ Uh, is this a… regular occurrence?

[_There is an outraged shriek heard from what seems to be across Ponyville and there is a resounding crash as the set breaks to pieces, and enraged looking _Rainbow Dash_ in the middle of the ruins with a dazed looking _Twilight Sparkle.]

_Fluttershy:_ [_Wails_] But nice ponies don't _do_ this sort of thing!

[_Curtain falls._]

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Today I learned several things, including why the Cloudsdale Colts are __all__ scared of Rainbow Dash…_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Princess Celestia,<em>

_All characters in this fanwork belong to Hasbro and it is based on the play "Hedda Gabler" by Henrik Ibsen who owns that, and I make no money and claim no ownnership of either of these things. I apologise on behalf of my brain, and my school who asked us to parody something we studied this year._

_My most sincere apologies,  
>Mogseltof<em>

_PS: Is it ok if I continue with other plays? I can't help but feel that Rainbow Dash would make a BAMF Hamlet's father... _


End file.
